Friday, May 28, 2010

I am so zen I had forgotten about this

until I hooked up my Iphone to my MacBook and my photos populated my screen.  This is the magic carpet ride that happened sometime between Angry Guy At My Door and the next morning at 7:30 a.m.

This is a shot of the house immediately West of mine, taken from my front stoop.  It's to give you an idea of the geographical (I have earlier opined of the psychological differences between me and my Staplegun neighbors, present blogger Lo excluded) distance between my house and, say, the 18 or 20 feet West of my house.


Here is a shot of my Oriental rug lain flat between the two trees on the right of way 18 to 20 feet West of my house.  Until sometime in the magic bewitching hours between what I assume to have been a solicitous call from a man hopped up on the right to bear basketball hoops and the time at which I walk my dog hopped up on the right to take his morning constitutional, I found my rug so lain.  And so soaked.  For the sprinkler systems be aqueous in Denver once Mother's Day passes.  And the date this morn was May 21.


My rug is a mysterious thing; 4 feet by 5 1/2 feet, hand knotted (and, yes, airing on my porch side railing since sometime in the late fall of 2009 and thus sufficiently aired out and, well, admittedly abused by its own owner.  Namely me.) of many muted yet brilliant colors and hand sewn on one edge to cover the loss of part of its original breadth, thus reducing its financial value (to say nothing of toll taken by a continuous October to May outdoor life in mile high Colorado).

My rug is magical.  It fell from the railing and instead of obeying the law of physics rule number 3 that all rugs go to the floor, my rug flew 18 to 20 feet West under shade of night and, even in a shallowly lit night, knew enough to unfold itself completely and submit itself fully to the earth.  To cover each square inch of the earth that could fall within the fully unfurled perimeters of its substance.  And to embrace not just the dirt, but to welcome the nourishing water so that it, too, could grow (mold) as the germinating plants submerged in the soil beneath it would.  This is what magic looks like:



I lied about the zen.  But my faulty memory sure does help keep me calm.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I am not blog worthy.

But then again something sometimes occurs that is entirely blog worthy.  Like this item found at my neighborhood grocer:


I should say "neighborhood grosser".

My daughter and I saw this box and put it in the shopping cart pretty much immediately after she had asked me that I no longer buy junky cereals.  And I had agreed.

We could not pass this up.

We will likely throw it up.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Staplegun

I live in Staplegun.  Not Stapleton.  Annie get your gun.  Emily get your Post.  Missy get your Manners.  Letitia don't balk.  (Sorry, can't do much with "Baldridge" and who the heck would know that reference where I live, that being Staplegun?)

Let me recap.

I don't have neighbors.  I have angry mobs.

Doorbell rings.

Me: hello?

Guy at door: YOU HAVA PROBLEM WITH MY BASKETBALL HOOP?

Me: what?

Guy at door: DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY BASKETBALL HOOP?

Me: what?

Guy at door: People said either you or your realtor called about my basketball hoop!!

Me: I didn't call [very matter of fact tone]

Guy at door:  You have a problem?  You have a problem with my hoop?

Me: No.  Where do you live?

Guy at door:  [thumbs North of my house].  Well, then I'm calling your realtor.

Me:  He used to live in [Staplegun].  He's a nice guy.  He didn't call.

Guy at door:  People TOLD me either YOU or YOUR REALTOR called!!

Me:  I didn't call.  He didn't call.  I'm telling you it's not true.

Guy at door: [quiet]

Me: What's your name?

Guy at door: I'm not TELLING!

Me: Well, where do you live?

Guy at door: I'm not TELLING!

Me: Well, I'm Melissa Kelley, I live here, and I don't have a problem with your basketball hoop.

Guy at door is no longer at door and now leaving my porch and on the sidewalk:  I am not TELLING you!

So, I have a couple suggested readings for my neighbors:


And this:



And here is the first in a flash card set I'm thinking of making and handing out:


But then again, I'm beginning to think any of this might be akin to:



So I give up.  I am not going to buy a handgun.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

unhitching the welcome wagon

To be fair, and God knows I am always fair and calm and level-headed, the Welcome Wagon never exactly drove into town to meet me.  More precisely, I don't like my neighbors.  The ones across the park.

Note the word "park".  It means verdant stretches, designed to welcome young and old, to encourage play and joy, and the appreciation of nature. It does not mean this:

Oh! You say!  Are you implying something?  Not at all.  I am. spelling. it. out.

These particular neighbors thought they wanted a tennis court.  Some folks approach the idea of a tennis court by installing one a pleasant distance from their abode.  Like this:

Others, say, like maybe the folks who live across from the park from me, do it this way:
And they paint this diagram on the street.  Immediately in front of their house.
Oh! I'm sorry!  Did I just insert a photo?

Luckily for the tennis court painting on the street right outside their house neighbors, I have the patience of a:
(saint) (for those who don't know me.) (Hell. for those that do.)

I go now.  To adjust all the mirrors I have angled towards their rooftop.

Monday, May 3, 2010

All the house is a stage or what finally prompts me to get 'bedding' for my bed

My house is for sale.  I put it on the market on Saturday and a sign went in on Sunday.

Today, the photographer/'visual tour' maker came at 11 a.m.  I had the most exhausting Sunday you can imagine.  And the second most exhausting Saturday.  Thankfully, Carl took the children last night.  And even better, yesterday my son had a play date from 4 to 7 and my daughter cleaned up her room!!  And I went to Tuesday Morning and purchased bedding because my realtor told me that my dorm room approach to my bed needed a little updating, i.e., graduation.

Voila!

Isn't that insane?  I lit a fragrant candle in the master bathroom so the visual tour could capture the flickering elegance and prompt all viewers to imagine bathing in such a radiant cocoon of pleasure.

It's like I live at Bed Bath and Beyond.

Notice the powerful impact of the candle:

It's there.  Fool around with the resolution of your screen.

No matter what the faux mise en place of ma maison, I have always had a canard in my room de powder:

I do anticipate some of my unctuous neighbors to do the house tour equivalent of rubber necking.  But that is another post.

Cheers, and when I have a done deal, I am inviting all (2) of my followers to a very racuous blow out that will confirm for my neighbors once and for all how they feel about me.  Cheers!